“This is, unequivocally, the worst idea I have ever heard, bar none, including obvious trolls, on these forums. If this idea were to be expressed physically, it would take the form of an infinitely dense black hole of stupidity. This pellet of idiocy, weighing more than a thousand suns, would threaten to consume the galaxy in naught but a second.” – Arathanar Wyrmrest Accord (US)

The idea in question (only of interest to wow players). Frankly the putdown is so good it sounds like it should have been said before, but this is the first I’ve heard it.

2. Start the Bottom one, wait a couple of seconds.

3. Start the top one and enjoy!

VALVE ANNOUNCES MAKING GAMES IS HARD

June 9, 2010 Aperture Science, doing business as Aperture Laboratories LLC, in partnership with Valve today announced the successful completion of an ethics-review-panel-supervised release date restructuring process. Portal 2, the sequel to the ground-breaking title that earned over 30 Game of the Year awards despite missing its original ship date, is now targeted for a 2011 release.

Representatives from both companies acknowledged that public safety concerns factored into the decision. They went on to say that even though Portal 2 will arrive slightly later than planned, all life on earth won’t instantaneously stop as every molecule in your body explodes at the speed of light, which is what would happen should a rip ever appear in the fabric of Valve Time.

“Also, the game will be even better,” they added, missing an historic opportunity to create the first product delay press release to mention that a product is being delayed to make it worse.

To ask questions about how close we all came to dying, or to ask futile questions about the previously announced E3 ***PORTAL-2-THEMED-FOR-GOD’S SAKE*** surprise or, less futilely, to schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve’s delegate to the EU’s Valve Time Studies Group, Doug Lombardi.

In an amazing turn of events Ubisoft have decided to take over from EA in the stupidist publisher stakes, even after tough competition from Activison just before Christmas.

Ubisoft, from here on known as “the fools”, have decided that to combat piracy, they are going to punish purchasers further.

From now on if you want to play any Ubisoft game offline, you can’t. It’s that simple (and I mean that in both senses, it’s simple as in easy to understand and simple as in stupid).

So there you are, playing settlers 7 and your net goes off, your game PAUSES.

So there you are, playing Silent Hunter 5, carefully and meticulously sneaking up on an enemy convoy, you spent the last hour getting into the right postion to take out that heavily loaded freighter in the centre, took you 20 mins just to get past the destroyer on your port, now you are ready, working out when to fire your torps….

Meanwhile, a friend is running across rooftops, he’s leaping and flying, he has grace and speed and two daggers up his sleeves, he’s in Venice and he’s wearing a hoody, can you guess what it is yet? Thats right fans it’s Assasins creed 2. Your friend leaps and drops into a haystack, his shifty eyes check the crowd, somewhere there’s a guy he needs to find and kill – there, ahead, he steps up behind his target, takes a breath….

Oh no!

What is this?

The fools server farm got struck by lighning due to the wrath of a vengeful god keeps getting spotted in Splinter Cell. There’s a fissle and a hiss, a whump and a thud, the servers are off. The power is frazzled. The servers are out for the count, the techs are reading the last rights.

MEANWHILE THE ENTIRE WORLD HAS BEEN PAUSED.

It’s not just you who has to keep their connection, its them as well, and its not just you or them, its both of you at the same time.

If this is successful it won’t just be Ubisoft, it will be EA and Activison too, if we let one get away with it then it won’t just be on PC it will be on consoles too. Punishing those who buy the games never has and never will be the way to defeat piracy, in fact it encourages it.

I urge everyone who reads this, whether they play pc games or DS games to think about your purchases and vote with your wallet.

Please please.

BOYCOTT UBISOFT ON EVERY PLATFORM UNTIL THEY TURN THIS OFF .

Don’t just buy the game on the xbox or ps3 instead, if its got a Ubisoft logo, don’t give them money. Yes we want to play the games, but this is bad for games, this is bad for us and the only thing shareholders listen to is money. Make the bottom line go down for them and they will listen, the shareholders will force them too.

http://support.uk.ubi.com/online-services-platform/ Ubisoft’s service FAQ

http://bit.ly/crkr7U Hothardware article.

http://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2010/02/17/you-maniacs/

http://www.computerandvideogames.com/article.php?id=232888 Original Announcement

http://www.computerandvideogames.com/article.php?id=235290 PC Gamer experiences it on AC 2

http://www.computerandvideogames.com/article.php?id=235596 Ubisoft Comments

http://www.petitiononline.com/ew15dl94/petition.html – A petition, not that it will do what is needed, only our wallets can do that, but sign it anyway.

Found this stuck on stuck on the back of the house this morning!